For those that found disillusionment in the Church I am sad that you have had such an experience.  Over twenty years ago, I found myself frustrated with the church’s work to serve those that are most desperate in their need.  I looked at this experience as the reason to turn my back on the church and exercise a solitary journey with God.  But God, through the teachings of Saint Paul reminded me that I, like the church, am the body of Christ.  If the church was not addressing a need, I was not addressing a need.  This revelation allowed me to be powerful and responsible in my relationship with an institution that Jesus established upon the rock of St. Peter, rather then be a victim of an institution that was external to myself.  I took that opportunity to create an outreach effort that reaches out to those least amongst us and I recently celebrated 22 years of that service.  I am now known by most as Brother Sean and I am a full time Roman Catholic Missionary to the Poor.

For those that have found pain, I pray for your healing and for all, I encourage you to return to the Church.  The Church needs you and more importantly needs to address your concerns.  Please open yourself to the consideration that the Church will not respond to a list of tasks but will engage you in partnership to cause the Kingdom of God, here and now!  Look past the sins of those you encounter and lovingly pray for them and plead for them to pray for you as well.  We are all hurt and confused at times.  Our frustration cannot be allowed to define us and separate us as we come together in Communion around our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  There is no promise of a life free from trials and tribulations and those you encounter in the guise of the Church will often confront your sense of right and wrong.  Pray for the grace that remains sufficient for your need and embrace your opportunity to make a difference in this world with the God given talent He has provided.   And, no matter what, always take heed of what is so eloquently expressed in Latin:

‘illegitimi non carborundum’

You were made in the divine image and likeness of God and your power to transform the Body of Christ is infinite.  Stay present to who you are and realize that God is calling you to strengthen the Body of Christ through your active engagement and participation.  The effort will be arduous and difficult at times but when you come to the end of your journey here in this life, like St. Paul, you will be able to say, ‘I have fought the good fight,’ as you look back on a lifetime of contribution.

The church continues to evolve, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Have faith in the Word and know that the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it.

Keep faith and know it will be challenged. We will have our trials almost daily. Know God is in control and always faithful to His promise to provide abundance. Know that even my faith is challenged and I sometimes allow the darkness of fear, anxiety and doubt to take hold in my heart.

Please continue to get behind our effort to serve our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, where we find Him amongst the least of these. He is hungry and needs food. He is thirsty and needs something to drink. He is naked and needs clothing. He is a stranger and needs love.  He is sick and we must tend to Him. He is in prison and we must visit Him.

We will continue to need your love, prayers, and support ongoing so that we can bring new life into the faith of so many who have found it dead. Our mission not only speaks to those poor and needy amongst us, it also calls to you.

Our Mission

Reaching out to the lost, disenfranchised, and homeless with the light and love of Christ

The Mission of Deep Waters Ministry is to restore the dignity of the Human Person in a way that they are inspired by their own beauty in God’s eyes. We accomplish our mission by creating profound relatedness between the Church and the disenfranchised people who are not present to the steadfast love He provides.

The Mission of the Ministry is delivered in a manner that speaks to the individual’s greatness by establishing they are loved by God and they are whole and complete in that love. We do not deliver a message that there is anything wrong with who they are and who they have chosen to be in their life. We establish a dialogue about what works for them and what they can do to make a difference in this world.

The Ministry develops programs, activities and events in coordination with churches and organizations to allow people of a faith community to reach out boldly into the disenfranchised communities they are in a position to serve.

Please share the abundance that God has provided you today!

St. Peter

This year as I entered into the Holy Triduum observed by the Roman Catholic Church, I took on the opportunity to reflect on what must have been the Passion of St.  Peter.  I wondered at each step along the way, what must be going through the mind of this disciple that had stepped out upon the water with Jesus and had the distinction of being the first of those called to follow Him.  How would the Rock that this Church was built upon have experienced the dramatic and often painful events of that first Easter.  As the observances of those four days took place, I allowed myself to feel what Peter must have felt.  I allowed myself to be with Peter all those years ago.

Next Easter, I will extend this invitation to you.  Come join me with your family and walk through the Triduum with me.  Allow yourself to become Peter with me as you enjoy the festive atmosphere of Jerusalem and join in the fellowship of that Sader dinner held long ago.  Participate in that first Eucharist with me as a sense of impending doom awaits us.  The meal that remembers God’s gift to the Hebrew slaves held in bondage in Egypt is abruptly interrupted after three courses and Judas leaves amongst whispers of betrayal. The joyous and celebratory mood is altered suddenly and permanently as the incredible Passion of our Lord begins to unfold.  Where has Judas gone so suddenly, you ask yourself.  Betrayal?  How could I ever deny you Lord?

Later that evening, when Jesus goes to pray He insists that you stay awake and keep lookout but in your own weakness you fall asleep.  When Jesus wakes you your concern deepens.  He is upset and Jesus appears to be sweating blood.  What is wrong?  And, when the guards come to arrest Jesus, one must wonder why Judas is among them.  Experience Peter’s fear when Jesus, his teacher, his friend is taken away in shackles in the night.   If only he had stayed awake become the tormenting and resounding cry of the days ahead. Peter must be left with an experience of his own failure and starts to blame himself for the events about to unfold.  In failure and doubt he starts to find himself questioning his own understanding. He wants to believe that Jesus is Our Lord, the Son of Man, the Christ; but what if he is wrong, and in the space of his  terror and fear he denies Him three times. Your denial only serves to take you deeper into your emotional state as you begin to break down your own understanding and in a state of absolute confusion you no longer know what to believe.

Oh Mary, our mother, what have I done he must be thinking as she arrived in the confusion of the night.  Could you have ever understood her faith?  Would you ever be able to follow her example of obedience?  You feel such shame for your failure to stay awake and guard her most holy son.  But Peter, why do you not notice that she is calm and resolved!  She seems fully aware that this day would come and what she must do.  You are so wrapped up in the emotions that are tearing at your very soul that you do not notice how she obediently steps into her part in this Passion that she knows must play out.

And now, in the your mind numbing terror and confusion, the Passion unfolds before you as you watch your fiend, your teacher, the Son of Man, your Messiah, the Christ face the judgment of men.  In complete horror you witness the brutality and cruelty that is inflicted upon Him as His body is torturously scourged and crucified.  At the third hour, the death of Jesus leaves you in agonizing sorrow and confusion on that Friday afternoon.   All that you have to come to know as true is now left in a space of crushing doubt and your humanity is exhausted.  Jesus is dead and your mind has no comprehension of hope.  Your own body is fatigued and exhausted by what has taken place.

Worn and battered emotionally, your heart now grieves and mourns like never before!  The emotional pain you are facing is felt in the deepest part of your being and nothing you have ever known has left you this sad.  You are left questioning yourself, your life and the events of the last three and a half years. And you begin to ask yourself, “Have I wasted myself in some foolish pursuit?  Should I have stayed with my boat that day along the Sea of Gennesaret and simply bid this Rabbi well in His Journeys?  Oh God, what have I done?  How could all of this have happened?  How could I possibly have arrived at this moment in such despair and my teacher has died?  If only I had stayed awake as He had asked me to.  This is all my fault!  What a horrible creature I must be!  I denied Him! Oh, what have I done?  Jesus, forgive me, please!”

You have to wonder if words could adequately describe the depths of sorrow, guilt, and despair that Peter must have felt that evening.   His mind is racing in all directions wondering, doubting, and fearing for his own survival.   He must start to be concerned that he will even survive the trauma that he has just experienced in his own mind and heart as rest continues to elude his weak and tired body.  At some point in the night he must have collapsed in an unconscious state with his emotional and physical strength completely drained.  He is certainly not well.

Some time later, he emerges into consciousness.  And, to his horror the peace that he might have felt while lying there is overwhelmed with the flooding realization that it was not a dream and Jesus is really dead and in a tomb in a nearby garden.  Peter must know that this level of despair and grief will undoubtedly claim him if he is unable to generate any hope to go on in his own life. So while his mind returns to its frantic efforts to process all that has occurred since that day he last fished so many years ago, his thoughts must have landed upon the promise that Jesus had made not long ago.  But then again our logical minds, trapped in the limits of the physical realm, cannot really grasp how you can rebuild a temple in three days.  Now in your doubt you have to wonder if Lazarus had really been dead or if he had merely been unconscious.  Had Jesus simply woken him up from a very deep sleep that he might have emerged from on his own at about the same time he had been commanded to rise up?  Lazarus did emerge alive from the tomb that third day, but how do I know he was dead?  At some point the numbness that comes with our grief and mourning must have quieted the duel that took place between a slim light of hope in Peter’s mind and the limited possibilities his doubt was willing to submit to.

The remainder of this Saturday for Peter must have found him in a dazed and confused state that would almost occur as catatonic. His weary and fatigued body and mind begin to show the severe and unsustainable impact of the events that have occurred.  Through the remainder of the day and into the night he must have drifted in and out of consciousness and displaying signs of stupor and motor dysfunction.  In this state of dis-ease, Peter is no doubt failing himself. His body must find rest and his mind must find peace or he will find himself in a tomb as well.  Surely that night, the overwhelming exhaustion of his very being, brought him into a restless sleep.

That first Easter morning Peter would have awoken into his continued mourning convinced that nothing he has ever known will be the same.  This world has inalterably changed.  Little does Peter know just how correct his assessment of the world is at this point.  His physical body begins to go through the mechanical motions of living but his senses of the world are muffled by his deepening sense of guilt and regret. The body’s own ability to protect us in times of such profound grief is providing him a sense of numbness that allows him some limited ability to function.  The what if’s of his thought process revolve continuously as he continues to blame himself and thinks of things he could have done that would have avoided this tragic set of events.   If only he had stayed awake that night as Jesus prayed.  He would have heard the guards coming and they would have fled into the night.  Word now reaches Peter that Judas has been found hung; apparently by his own hand.  What had Jesus been talking about when Judas left them that night?  Betrayal?  How could this be possible?  Jesus loved Judas!  Now both Jesus and Judas are gone.

I can only imagine how disconnected Peter must be feeling from reality on that most glorious of all Sundays.  A simple task like eating must occur to him with overwhelming complexity and he is now becoming suspicious and fearful of everything around him.  The fires of these past few days have been intense and Peter with his strength all but gone, his spirit all but broken, the limits of his mind reached, he accepts that what will unfold before him is out of his control.  I imagine that some time in the early hours of that first Easter, for Peter, it is finished and he surrenders his spirit into the hands of God and chooses to wait humbly and obediently for whatever comes next.  Little does Peter realize that it is only just beginning for him.

In a nearby Garden, something miraculous has occurred.   As the women arrive at the tomb of Jesus they find the stone covering the entrance pushed aside.  An angel of God questions them as to why they would be looking for the living amongst the dead. The women are overcome with joy as they ‘remember His words.’  As the news  of His resurrection reaches the disciples it must have been a surreal experience when Jesus, appears in the midst of the eleven remaining disciples and greets them, ‘Peace be with you.”   One can only imagine the magnitude of Grace as the victorious wave of joy now floods across the face of the Earth.

Vere Resurrectus Est!

He is risen!

The healing grace of God must have instantly revived Peters’ heart and lifted it from the parched and barren place it had come to.  As they dined on baked fish with Jesus, Peter, no doubt, knows that he truly is the rock and his faith will not be shaken.  He will be filled with determination that will never deny Jesus again.  Tested by the fires of his own trials he will not falter as he brings his Lord and Master’s message to humanity. He will stay awake!

Domine quo vadis? 1602 - Annibale Carracci

Many years later we find the first Bishop of Rome, according to legend, leaving  the city hurriedly.  In his pastoral role to the citizens of that ancient city, he has told the women to stand in Christ with dignity, whole and complete, separate from their husbands and to no longer subjugate themselves as objects to their husband’s will.  The women of Rome hear this message and believe.  This teaching is so disruptive to the culture of this day that Peter soon finds himself fleeing for his life in order to live and teach another day.  But Peter’s destiny will be met that day as he runs into his former master, Jesus, walking toward Rome.  In surprise, Peter cries out, ‘Domine, quo vadis?  Lord, where are you going?  Eo Romam iterum crucifigi - I go to Rome to be crucified anew.  Peter now knows what he must do and he returns to Rome and hands himself over to face his own martyrdom.  Not worthy to be crucified in the manner of his Lord, Peter insists on being crucified upside down.

Caravaggio’s The Crucifixion of St Peter, 1601

Saint Peter's Basilica the Vatican

Several centuries later, Constantine, so inspired by the story of St. Peter,  launched an effort in Ancient Rome to locate his grave on a hill called Vaticanas, where the Vatican stands today.  His effort was unsuccessful in locating the beloved Saint’s grave and he chose to construct St. Peter’s Basilica in his honor.  Nearly a thousand years would pass before the original church finally gave way to the ravages of time and was razed.  In its place was constructed the Second Saint Peter’s Basilica which we know today!  An impressive architectural achievement even today, this amazing structure is laid out upon the landscape in the shape of a cross.  Upon it’s completion, the Dome of the Basilica rose over 450 feet into the 16th Century skyline and is still considered the largest church in the world.  But the most amazing detail was left to God.  While excavating below the Basilica during World War II, workers were astonished to discover what seems to have eluded Constantine so many centuries before.  Directly below the center of the dome and the main alter of this enormous church was a humble grave of a stout man from the first century.   The name on the grave was Peter.  Nearly 2,000 years later, the Bishop of Rome, the Pope, now celebrates Holy Mass on the Alter, placed unknowingly above the grave of St. Peter,  the Rock and the gates of Hell have not prevailed against it.  And, by the promise of Christ’ word, I don’t expect them to ever!